Private Parts

OK, this post is totally inspired by a recent conversation with a co-worker and I thought it might be funny to get a little feedback. I guess we will find out how many (or few) people read this and/or care.

We were talking about kids naming body parts and I couldn't help but think of so many of the funny things you tell kids to help them along the way. For example, I remember the answer to where does the pee-pee go when you flush the toilet is "pee-pee go to China". Nice one Santa! Surely most of us remember the spin on the Oscar Mayer bologna song "my bologna has a first name its O-S-C-A-R..." I guess there are lots of foods that resemble the male anatomy because I have heard it referred to as macaroni, Lil smokies, polish sausage, pickles, and many more. I have only mentioned the male nicknames because, well, I was unaware of what to nickname a girls part until I was a teenager and the things we called it are absolutely inappropriate.

I know kids make up their own words for things too! Especially when they are the 'private parts'. Emilie and I have this great vision that we are going to be open with our child and not sugar coat anything. A penis will be a penis and a vagina will be a vagina. But really, how many two-year- olds can say vagina and wouldn't that be a little creepy. I feel like if they were to say that type of word that young, it would sound like those creepy e-trade commercials where the baby calls Lyndsay Lohan a 'milk-aholic'.

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Anyhow, what I really want from you are examples of things you or your kids may have named body parts that are not 'appropriate' for kids to say. Please leave comments about the funny nicknames you have and make sure and tell the story of how they were created. Hey if they are funny or cute enough, we might just change our minds and let our baby nickname their parts too. Tell your friends to do it too. I want to get as many as possible.

Guys Eye

Well I know it has been some time since I have been on here. I am going to make an honest effort to post more regularly. I want to express things from my viewpoint so I really will try. Warning, some of the things I write may be offensive, inconsiderate, disagreeable, or dumb. Remember these are my opinions and you are entitled to yours as well. If Alvin Greene can run for South Carolina Senate, I can talk about baby issues.

First, I want you all to know that Emilie is an absolute champ. If it wasn't for the visual evidence in her belly, I wouldn't know she was pregnant. I have heard stories of how she would get cranky, and crave weird things at 2 a.m., and eat icing straight from the jar. Nope! She has carried on like normal and even takes care of me more because I am short on free time. She is amazing! I know we have 3 months left, but given her track record thus far it should be no problem (it is difficult to type while crossing your fingers that you didn't speak too soon).

One of the things Emilie has done is given me one of her school textbooks so I can read up on care of the baby immediately following birth. I like it because it sites references and is evidence based. The first chapter is on breast-feeding. Not that we are trying to decide-we are definitely breast-feeding. But I wanted to see what the benefits were and actually know why, rather than just do things because Emilie says they are right. Essentially, what I get is that if you breast-feed you protect your baby against illness, increase bonding between mother and infant, enhance cognitive development, and it is freaking FREE! Why would anyone in their right mind not breastfeed. I say in their right mind because it seems like the only dangers of breastfeeding occur when you are on crack (illicit drugs), or you have HIV, TB, etc. I guess some babies could have allergies and some mothers could potentially be physically unable to do it. But otherwise, you should totally do it. What I am shocked about is that the baby would eat 8-12 times a day during the first few weeks. I wonder how many times a day Jacob eats.

By nature i am curious and I have tons of questions. Like any other guy, I have ideas that my baby is going to be a "golden child". I want the best for the baby and I wonder how to achieve that through the mother's diet while breast-feeding. For example, if Emilie eats a diet only of super foods, will our baby also love highly nutritious fruits and vegetables? How about if she eats an abundance of cakes and Twinkies? Will that doom our baby to becoming Chunk ("Hey you guys!")? Well, we wont take our chances of that. Should I put her on a diet for a performance athlete or Paleo diet hoping we will soon have the youngest CrossFit champion?

Looking pregnant - 24.6 weeks

I think I'm finally starting to look pregnant and passing the stage of questioning whether or not the bulge of my belly is a baby or too much Mexican food. Three people today asked me if I was pregnant and I'm hoping they are the type who wouldn't ask unless they were pretty confident that I would say yes. My fundus (the top of my uterus) is just above my belly button. Speaking of my belly button...it has completely popped out! The baby is moving every day, especially after I eat. I have Braxton-Hicks contractions almost every day too. I can't believe that we could meet this little person in as little as 12 weeks! I'm expecting it'll be longer than that, though.

As for an update on other things going on in our lives...I only have four more weeks in my final clinical practicum. I have attended four births this semester, so I will be spending more time on labor & delivery to try to catch more babies! I have caught a total of 35 babies since June, but I want as much experience as possible at the end of my program since I won't begin working as a midwife for a while after the baby is born. Gabe is busy as usual with work and coaching soccer. He will be taking a trip over Halloween weekend to visit his college friends. I know he is looking forward to seeing everyone and catching up!   

Boy or Girl?

I got an email from thebump.com and my curiosity took me to a link with a Chinese gender calendar. Based on my age and month of conception, this chart says we are having a girl. It claims to be 90% accurate. I'm not buying it.

The most common old wives tale I hear from patients about knowing the gender of the baby is related to the heartbeat. Girls supposedly have a higher heartbeat than boys.

Here are some other old wives' tales:

• Carrying low = boy; Carrying high = girl
• Craving sweets = girl; Craving salty = boy
• Pee in a cup and add 1 Tbsp of Drano...if it's green = girl; blue = boy  
• Mayan method - age at conception (29) and year of conception (10)...both even or odd = girl; one even and one odd = boy (so, this tells us we're having a boy)

Anyone else know of any old wives' tales? It is so much fun to guess! :)